Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
