I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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