His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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