My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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