soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
