mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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