Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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