well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
