I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize