do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
