i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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