Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
