Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
