I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were trust falling into bushes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize