she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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