I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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