He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
