Jerry, you need to find god
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
