Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
