moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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