I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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