Soap is not a condiment
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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