Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize