I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
