What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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