Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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