it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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