Well apparently he's into motor boating.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
