You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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