Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
