I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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