brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
