Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
