I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
is that a dick in a sweater?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
