yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
