you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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