You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
