You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
