"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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