Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
