Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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