walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
