She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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