and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
