so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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