some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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