someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
