I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
