I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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