Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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