a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
