How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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