i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
