Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
