The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
