and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize