Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
