I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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