Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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