I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
