As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
