he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
