$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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