I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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